What is ADHD Masking? | ADHD Masking Examples
Have you ever had to remind yourself to stay quiet and not interrupt in a conversation?
Or tried to force yourself to sit still when you have an urge to tap your foot or squirm in your chair?
Or maybe exhaustively perfect aspects of your home, family, or self in order to appear just like all the other moms you see out there?
Sure, it could be you’re trying not to be rude or disruptive.
Maybe it calms you to have your home, family or self in perfect order.
But if you’re exhausted by trying to assimilate to the neurotypical world.
If it’s causing you extra anxiety or depression.
If you feel like there is a public you and a private you and you can’t show your real you in public, there is a very good chance that you’re masking.
And according to Psychologist and ADHD expert Russell Barkley in his book Taking Charge of ADHD*, masking occurs is about 1/3 of people with ADHD.
That’s why we’re taking time to define what ADHD masking is and give some masking examples so you can identify if it is something that you’re experiencing.
What is ADHD Masking?
In a nutshell, ADHD masking is when you are trying to cover up or camouflage your natural ADHD behaviors or symptoms by trying to fit in or copy those people around you that don’t have ADHD.
You may mask as a way to fit in or feel accepted.
You may mask to hide your need to fidget.
You may spend far too much time on a task or project so that it looks like you’re killing it and totally have your life together.
Meanwhile, your brain is exhausted from fighting against your natural tendencies.
You may experience higher levels of stress because it takes a lot of energy to maintain the appearance that everything is better than ok and you’ve totally got this.
And if you were diagnosed later in life, there is a chance you’ve been masking your true personality and you may not even know what that looks like.
Honestly, as someone who was diagnosed later in life and did spend a great deal of time masking my ADHD symptoms, I get why we do it.
The neurotypical world was just not made for our quirky and unique brains. So for years we’ve been expected to assimilate.
To many neurotypicals, coming in line with societal norms is no big deal.
But for us neurodivergents, it can be exhausting.
It can lead to increased depression and anxiety.
It may even lead to substance abuse to either help you assimilate or help you cope with the stress of trying to assimilate.
Examples of ADHD Masking
Wondering if you’ve been trying to mask your ADHD symptoms in order to fit in?
Here are just a few examples of how ADHD masking may show up in our lives:
1. Needing to consciously remind yourself not to fidget or adjust in your chair when you’re trying to pay attention.
2. Going above and beyond to show your home is clean, even though it may be overly exhausting to maintain it.
3. Reminding yourself over and over to pay attention when someone is speaking to the point where you may miss some of what the person said.
4. Creating overly complicated organizing systems to show how organized you are.
5. Attempting to avoid negative feedback or criticism by doing everything perfectly.
6. Feeling anxiety in conversations because you’re desperately trying not to interrupt the person talking.
7. Feeling shame or guilt when a project or task overwhelms you but you’re afraid to ask for help because you may look inadequate.
8. Suppressing big, intense emotions as a way to seem like you’re in control. Meanwhile, they’re compounding inside you.
Are you starting to get the idea of what ADHD masking is and how it may be showing up in your life?
It’s essentially taking an ADHD symptom that’s perceived as negative in society and developing an alternate behavior that allows you to fit in.
How to Stop ADHD Masking
Luckily, we are now starting to better understand ADHD and how to accommodate it in our society.
For instance, at my son’s school, they have wobble chairs for fidgety kids because we’re beginning to understand that fidgeting actually helps with kids with ADHD to focus.
And while there are some changes being made, there is still a long way to go.
So what are those of us with a lifetime of masking experience supposed to do?
How to Stop ADHD Masking: Determine If There’s Negative Impact
Is your need to maintain a perfectly clean and organized home is affecting your time management, sleep, your relationships, your bank account, or your mental health?
If your answer is yes, you may want to work with someone to develop a less work intensive way to maintain cleanliness and order that doesn’t impact your time, sleep, relationships, money, or mental health.
How to Stop ADHD Masking: Discuss with Friends and Family
Talk with your close friends and family about any masking behaviors that are causing you stress or anxiety. Be honest about your ADHD and what you’re experiencing.
That you’re afraid to contribute to a conversation because you don’t want to seem rude and interrupt.
That it stresses you out to go to movies with the family because you struggle so hard to sit still.
That you’re afraid to express when you’re feeling frustrated, angry, or disappointed because you might be accused of overreacting, even though those emotions are very real for you.
I frequently discuss with my clients the importance of being aware of what ADHD looks like and how it impacts them in order to move into creating coping strategies. But it also important for those close to you to understand what your ADHD looks like and how it’s impacting you. Especially if you’re ready to start dropping your mask and dabbling in the world of ADHD acceptance.
And one last thing before we wrap up…there is a fine line between reducing the need to mask your ADHD symptoms and be accepted for who you are and using your ADHD as an excuse for negative behaviors.
I say over and over “An ADHD diagnosis is an explanation, not an excuse.”
It helps us to understand how our unique brains operate and why we act and react the way we do. It does not, in my opinion, give us carte blanche to be disruptive or rude because we struggle to focus or because we have lower impulse control.
There still may be situations where we ADHDers need to mask certain behaviors because the societal acceptance just isn’t there yet.
But what I hope we can do as society evolves its understanding of the neurodivergent population is find those areas of our life where we can let our mask down and be our authentic, true selves without feeling the need to perform in order to fit in.
I’m curious how many of you feel like you’ve been masking certain symptoms or behaviors to hide your ADHD or fit into the neurotypical world? Or maybe you have questions about how to drop your mask and start living more authentically?
If you’d like to learn how my ADHD coaching programs can help you understand your ADHD symptoms and how to create ADHD coping skills to help you build a successful business while juggling life as an ADHD mom, click the button below to schedule your free, no-obligation call with me.
*This link is an Amazon affiliate link, meaning if you purchase this book through the link I will receive a small commission. Thank you in advance for your support.
